Little Voices

Have you ever felt so inspired by someone or something, that in one moment you feel as if you could do anything. You feel like you could run a mile, start a YouTube channel or simply just cooking a meal.
You have so much inspiration running around in your mind that you get so excited because you know you really want to do this one thing. But then with in minutes of the thought or idea, a little voice in the back of your mind reminds you of how you can't actually do it. It pulls you back. It pulls you so far back, that you are left in tears. And your sat their thinking, 'where did that inspiration go? What happened to it?'

The things this voice keeps telling you are horrible things, and you know it's not true. But you just cant do anything about it. You lay their in your bed crying, feeling weak, feeling as if you aren't even capable of living anymore. You start thinking about killing yourself. But you know your stronger than that. If you can take it, you can make it. But still, no matter how hard you try to get rid of these thoughts, you know more than one person thinks these things are true.
It's hard to get out of these dark gloomy places. It's like as soon as your alone, the little voice is back. Sometimes you just have to be quiet, lost in your own little world for this voice to intrude. It is always in the back of your mind. A lot of the time you are stuck with this feeling of disappointment or failure of yourself, which is the worst feeling anyone could ever live with. It appears out of nowhere, followed by the guilt of just laying there, being weak, bawling your eyes out, and not doing the one thing you originally wanted to do.

It gets so bad that you wake up the next day, crying all over again. You know you have thinks to do but you still feel like shit. So you go to school, work or go shopping and wear a smile which you know is fake but the people around you believe. It's hard talking to people who have no idea as to how you are feeling on the inside. Or why your feeling this way. You want people to know, but you know they will judge you- even if they are your closest friends.
So going back home, to your bed where you let all your tears fall freely, feeling weak, letting those negative thoughts from that little voice inside your head get you down again, is the easiest part of the day. The fake smiles, laughs and small talk you make wears you out so fast. You get worried that people see that falter in your smile or that stutter when you feel like your going to very in front of everyone. It's hard. I know. These things happen to me daily. Whether it be when I fall asleep, when I look in the mirror or just sitting in the car, the little voice that attacks the good mood is hard.
But no matter how tough it gets, I know I will make it through.